Let’s face it! Substance-use disorder comes with a serious relationship.  Often, we don’t see it, or we deny it.  That relationship is with the substances themselves.  They have proven, (or at least convinced us of the delusion), that they are reliable and will deliver as promised.  Often, that relationship goes way beyond the boundaries of reason, logic, love, or even rationale!  If we are honest with ourselves, the truth is, we have something beyond a dependence on substances.  It turns out that we aren’t calling the shots anymore, nor do we really have any say in the relationship!  Substances are calling the shots for many of us.  Actually, even if we honestly and diligently try (and want to)…we can’t seem to “not pick up that first one!”  Where is our willpower?  And to make matters worse…we often think we are in control of this relationship and can end it any time we “choose” or “want to”.  That is one of the most overwhelming powers of SUD/Addiction/Alcoholism.  We do not possess the power to overcome its demands!

Subsequently, it is the relationship we have with substances that creates a spiral of our lives that touches upon all other relationships.  From our spouses, to our parents, to our friends, to our employers, to the cashier at the grocery store…those relationships become secondary (and often non-existent) to the relationship we have with substances!  We burn bridges, hurt the ones we love, are angry at society, and on and on and on.  The biggest part of all of this…is that we really don’t mean to do it!

With that, what is our course?  The first thing we do at Break the Cycle is just that…break the cycle of the relationship with substances (or other behaviors).  Once we are physically free from the “craving” that goes with putting things into our minds and bodies, we can then begin to address what the new relationship with life is going to look like.  Many people can’t imagine what life is going to look like without substances.  That is actually a very common place, and you are not alone.  What next (we might ask ourselves)?  The good news is the journey to recovery is just that…a journey.  It has a starting point and the destination is not really something to concern ourselves with.

In starting that journey, the first thing we have to do is end the relationship with substances and that means the relationships with people, places, things, ideas, opinions, and more that involve those substances.  We have to be willing to make the “break up” 100% firm!  There is no “working it out” or “maybe one day” in this relationship.  From there, we have a great starting point for a new life and the ability to improve relationships with family, friends, loved ones, society…and most importantly, ourselves.  The greatest thing about recovery is that we get to see something completely new in these experiences, and have new relationships that we never even imagined possible.

Many of us find new friends and fellowships in AA, NA, and other programs.  Often these are referred to as “self-help” programs, but honestly they are quite the contrary.  It is folks just like us who help each other with a common solution.  This builds entirely new friendships, associations, bonds of commitment, and action with people who know our journey that got us to recovery, and the journey moving forward!  We are not alone anymore!

Through this process, and utilizing additional services provided by Break the Cycle, we can look at building a relationship with ourselves through individual therapy.  We can also talk about the family dynamic and how substance-use disorder impacts those around us.  Couples and family therapy are instrumental in the overall growth and healing process for the journey moving forward!  We are not alone with the nature of this “malady”, and many loved ones find that they have things that they would like to discard and ultimately adopt new practices…for better relationships.

All in all, it turns out that a large part of recovery is relationships.  Many of us had been fooling ourselves about how successful we had been in keeping and maintaining relationships that had real value, connection, and love (action).  Many of us felt “less than”, and our relationship with substances kept us from finding out who we really are.  Today, we find we can live free from substances, and face those things that block us from being who we want to be.  Most people want to simply be “OK in their own skin” and contribute to society, family, friendships, and have happiness in their lives.

So, for today, we are in a relationship with many new things.  They are not all easy, and many of us find that some of the relationships that are supposed to “look a certain way” in our lives might have to have major boundaries setup for the future.  It can be hard, but with the right treatment, attitude, and support from others on the path…recovery can give us everything that substances promised!